The Power of Self Talk

Deep inside me there is a core of self doubt, uncertainty, and general lack of self confidence. It is something I have dealt with for years. (And have mentioned several times before in my blog.) Knowing my uncertainty and self doubt is there is a huge step in dealing with it, and two of the biggest tools that I use to combat that self doubt, is self awareness and self talk.

I cycle often, and one of the more obvious things about cycling is that when you are doing it, there really isn’t anything else that you can do. Its you, your bike, and your thoughts. I find it a bit of a moving meditation, but occasionally it ends up becoming negative. I’ll be rolling along and letting my mind wander, and suddenly I’m reliving something I did back in grade 9. Wondering why I did that dumb thing I did, or wishing I did something different. Reliving and replaying a conversation I had that went poorly…. You know: dumb shit.

Self talk can be a huge and powerful tool, but it is useless if you don’t use it, which is where the self awareness steps in. In a perfect scenario I’ll have enough self awareness to catch myself early in that conversation, and use positive self talk.

When those intrusive and doubtful thoughts start up, I will (in my head) literally talk to myself. One of the more interesting things I read somewhere was that we should talk to ourselves like we would talk to someone we care deeply for, because we SHOULD care deeply for ourselves.

The conversation often goes something like this: “Whoa! Hold up! How long ago was that? 35 years? Do you really think anyone other than you still remembers that? I think you can probably let that go. Still embarrassed? That’s natural, it was rather embarrassing, but being embarrassed is actually a sign that you learned from that situation! Which means that being embarrassed is actually a GOOD thing! You learned, and grew, and are unlikely to make that mistake again. Right? Tell you what…..you have 10 seconds! Be embarrassed. Remember the lesson. Then move on!”

Unfortunately (and fortunately, I suppose) I have these types of conversations often.

Positive self talk is not always correcting negative thoughts, it can be recognizing GOOD things as well. Acknowledging when you have done something positive and/or remarkable is also an extremely powerful tool.

The power of self talk is often overlooked, because people don’t often realize WHY it is so powerful. When we can correct our negative thinking and when we can recognize when we have done something good, we don’t need to look for external validation.

So much of our lives is spent looking for validation from other people, and that gives them power over us!

When we have good self talk they lose that power.